Category: Thoughts (Page 2 of 3)

“All photographs are self-portraits.”
– Minor White, LIFE Magazine article

For Minor White that certainly was true.  His goal was to channel his connection to the subject and use that to help others see, if not what he saw, something beyond the mere image.  The facts of the image were not important, it was the representation in the eye of the viewer that stood important for White.  This is the image vs. effigy debate that Thomas Kellein described in Time Exposed.  The only difference here is that image vs. effigy was being practiced in Japan long before it was being practiced in the United States, which is something I discussed in my paper.  But I digress…

I was with the UH Photography Students Association last week.  I felt bad because this was the final official meeting of the school year and I had yet to attend a meeting or contribute in any fashion this past Spring semester.  I had my trusty Pentax 645 with me, loaded with some expired Kodak Portra 400VC.  I decided to take some photos while official business was conducted (it is, after all, a photo club).  For the most part the photos came out well.  All of the candid shots, in terms of technical factors such as composition, exposure, focus, etc, were good photographs.  There were, however, 3 photos in which the subject (or one of the subjects) was engaged with me.  In each one, the engaged subject was out of focus.

This is an example of one of the photos of which I am writing:

Meet Brenda

First of all, congratulations to Brenda for her appointment as the new president of the UHPSA.  In terms of composition, this image could be considered flawless by some.  There is no vector pointing straight at her head, she is prominent, the geometric shape behind her offers some grounding (some could even make the argument of it being a hagiography).  Brenda is fully engaged with me with her genuine smile.  I honestly can’t remember what made her smile, all I know is I was happy to get a genuine show of emotion.  Everything looked perfect in the viewfinder, even the focus.  So, I pressed the shutter and waited anxiously as my local lab processed this color film. This photograph is technically flawed because of the fact that, while she is mostly in focus, there are critical areas of the image that are out of focus, especially her eyes.  Of course, this is a formalist reading of the image, and one that would often get an image rejected out of hand.  Why is it, then, of all the others I took, this is perhaps my favorite image from the roll?

My evolving understand has given me the answer.  This image, while technically flawed, is conceptually correct when I think of what Minor White had to teach us.  I look at this image of Brenda and I see that, although I have some knowledge, my understanding of it all is not quite clear.  Brenda is the image.  The effigy is my understanding that is not quite clear, but may soon become clear.  Remember, the photographer is part of the photograph, whether he is in the frame or not.

Another reading of this image could be that her being out of focus is a subconscious effort on her part to keep me at a distance in terms of knowing that subject.  It is by no means an invalid reading, but that discounts the circumstances around which the image was created.  In this case, we were trying to resolve the fact that she had ruined another “Decisive Moment” shot (all in good fun, of course).

I wonder if the Psychologist would say that when I have to actually engage someone, I tend to shy away, which causes me to lose focus and, therefore, not gain understanding.  That is something to ponder, but that’s a different entry in an entirely different journal.

I think tonight’s intellectual exercise in art is complete.  I will look at it again tomorrow to try to divine what it is it’s not telling me, but until then, it’s bedtime for this photographer.  Goodnight, everyone.

It’s interesting how the title of this post is a palindrome of sorts.  Of course, the letters don’t reverse well, but that’s a technicality…

The first 20 minutes of class was spent discussing the War/Photography exhibit at the MFAH.  It was prompted by the professor wanting to let us know that the exhibit is closing soon, and that we would benefit greatly from taking it in prior to its exit from Houston.  From there various students, who had already seen the exhibit, shared their thoughts of it.  We even started to branch out when one started talking about the Oklahoma City memorial.  I found her discussion points interesting as she described a part of the memorial I had not visited.  Of course, I have made my feelings on the main part of that particular memorial known (click here for a refresher).

Since I’ve seen the exhibit, I’ve had a chance to think a little deeper regarding the exhibit.  I’m not talking so much about the exhibit itself, but rather how it relates to the questions asked at the beginning of the semester regarding how I’m affected by constant exposure to a hyper saturated media world.

I mentioned previously that, having been exposed to some rather gruesome wartime imagery in the past, that, aside from a few select photographs, I wasn’t really taken back by any single image I saw on the walls at the museum.  At the end I was more impressed with the overall breadth of the exhibit in terms of size and types of pieces it contained.  I realized, when I started thinking about it, that my lifetime and my experiences had caused me to become desensitized to the images I had seen 2 weeks ago.  The general message I received listening to the other students’ reactions was one of an experience like no other in terms of recording human activity.  To say they were moved by this seems to be an understatement.

My age (I’m probably the oldest student in the class) has less to with my reaction than my status as a veteran.  Of course, I had more time on this earth in which I could see many of these images and take in other forms “war material,” for lack of a better term.  During my chemical warfare training we were exposed to all manner of images regarding the direct effects of chemical weapons on people.  It’s still rather difficult to forget the images of men, women, and children who were the victims of blistering agents.  The videos of people in uncontrollable convulsions following exposure to nerve agents are also unforgettable.   And you could forget about it if you were exposed to blood agents – there was no antidote and the gas mask/chemical suit combination was only effective for a short amount of time before the chemicals began to penetrate.  The whole point of seeing these images was drive home the importance of maintaining our gear as we weren’t issued practice gear for exercises – when we got to a new base we were given a gas mask that was to be our protection in the event of a chemical attack.

Curiously, WMD documentation, aside from some photos of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, was missing from the exhibit.

Driving home the seriousness of what we were about to learn is important, especially since the threat of an enemy actually carrying out an NBC (the 1990’s terms for WMD) attack at the time was very remote, especially when you take into account a speech by Vice President Dan Quayle in 1990 where he refused to rule out the use of nuclear weapons in response to any chemical attacks by Saddam Hussein in Operation: Desert Shield.  With the chemical weapons images and videos (none of which were classified), and the images I saw while certifying as my unit’s SABC instructor, the process of desensitization began.  These images were showing direct results of implementations of the weapons of war and subsequent actions needed to ease the suffer, but as time went on, I starting losing my capacity to be appalled by the cruelty of humans, especially in regards to cruelty towards other humans.  In 1993 the world bore witness to 2 simultaneous genocide campaigns – in Rwanda and Bosnia-Herzegovina.  The images and stories out of those areas also accelerated the process in me.

In 2002 and 2003 we were often treated to videos and still images of the cruelty by the government of Saddam Hussein in the run-up to Operation: Iraqi Freedom.  In 2004 I saw the photos of the prisoner humiliations at Abu Ghraib prison.  At the time I was appalled, but not nearly so much as a decade earlier.  I didn’t even think about the change in my reaction at the time.

All of the images were shown to achieve a desired effect.  In the case of the chemical warfare/battlefield medicine images, it was to drive home the seriousness of lessons.  In the case of the genocides, Saddam Hussein, and Abu Ghraib, it was to stir sympathy for the victims and outrage against against the perpetrators of the crime.  For me, as time has gone on, those effects are less and less powerful.

Does this make me a monster?  I don’t think so.  I think it makes me human.  Just as people who have to see shocking things every day become desensitized to the situations before them, I have become thus by an exposure to the appalling imagery of war.  I’m in no way trying to diminish what our paramedics, police, soldiers, et al, do every day.  Having been a part of the military, even though I never took part in direct combat, I will never lose my appreciation for what they go through in their daily tasks.  It is a little shocking, however, to reflect back on the first time seeing images of this subject matter and comparing one’s reaction to seeing the same types of images 20 years later.

With that I will leave you with a couple of propaganda photographs.  Aesthetically, the weapons of war can be very pleasing.  There has never been a time in recorded human history that war was not happening somewhere on the planet.  Artists are no longer able to romanticize war itself, but they can still impart the beauty of the weapons.  Behold the 2 main weapon platforms of the United States Air Force in the 1990’s – the F-15E Strike Eagle and the F-16 Falcon.

The textbooks were ordered on Wednesday night, but at this point it looks like they’re not going to get here until the day after the next class.  This actually sucks, because I wanted to get looking at the material right away.  I guess at this point I’m going to have to wing it through the first lecture.  They may very well get here prior to the first day of class, but I strongly doubt it as Monday is a Federal holiday.

Of course, the central question today is how I am being affected by all the media that comes at me in the world today, both in ways that I know and don’t know.  I have to admit that I found the second part of the question to be one of those frustrating “Is he freaking serious?” type of questions.  It still is one of those questions, and it’s not one I think I can answer in a single journal entry.  It appears as if Dr. Jacobs is really going to make us think through this course.

That degree of difficulty regarding the second part of the question does nothing to make answering the first part any easier.  Self-evaluation sometimes kinda sucks.

As much as we like to think of ourselves as independent thinkers, the constant media barrage has a significant effect on our lives.  All of the media to which we are exposed is processed in our minds; that is not something that can be avoided.  The end result is determined by how we classify those pieces of media in our minds.

The constant barrage has definitely made me more tolerant of certain subject matters than I would have been in the past.  I won’t go into specifics, but my attitudes towards certain things have changed since I was a kid in the middle and late 1980’s, in no small part due to media becoming saturated with a given subject.

I realize that this entry is nowhere near as detailed as it could be.  This is going to take some more organization of thought as right now they are all swirling in my head.  At this point you can be sure that there are ways that I am affected of which I am aware, but as the thought process for this entry progresses, the swirl of ideas grows larger and much more difficult to contain.  Expect more on this subject in future journal entries.  Seriously, my grade depends on this one.

My exposure to media has allowed me to proceed with this project as a thumb in the eye to self-righteous behavior on Facebook.

The first question on the first day of class, after all the syllabus discussions were finished, was simple.  What was the first picture we saw after waking up that morning?  It seems an innocuous question at first listen.  When one actually stops to think about it, however, it becomes one of those things that, unless one has a “photographic” memory, could drive someone absolutely insane trying to remember.  In my own case I believe it was the cover to From Uncertain to Blue by Keith Carter (which is on my coffee table and would have been seen in passing as I let my dogs outside for their morning playtime), but to be honest I can’t quite remember.

The question was asked to illustrate the point that in the past decade, we as a society are being inundated with a barrage of different media.  Heck, even as I type this entry, I have Facebook open in another browser tab while I’m also listening to a song on my iTunes shuffle (right now it’s “The Gathering Wilderness” by Primordial).  On my wall in front of me are four photographs – one from my days in the United States Air Force and the other three being school photos of me, my brother, and my sister.  Right now I’m processing seven different pieces of media simultaneously.

Our society is saturated in media.  Now it becomes an issue of knowing where I, not just an artist, but an individual, stand in this media-saturated environment in which I find myself living.

The truthful answer is that I do not know.  One would think that at this point in my life I would have some sort of idea, but I don’t.  I came of age in the time when the saturation was beginning to take hold.  In the late 1980’s we had Sony Walkman’s, handheld televisions, and Nintendo Gameboys.  The VCR had come down in price to the point that it became a near-universal item found in American homes and cable television was reaching its maximum in terms of coverage.  Let’s also not forget the birth of the 24 hour news cycle.  A little critical theory concerning media here – it seems that the saturation is coming from the “hot media” (media that requires little in the way of mental engagement by the viewer – movies, video games, sporting events, etc) and is drowning out the “cool media” (media that requires much more in the way of mental engagement – books, comics, etc).

All this adds up to the fact that, even though I knew a time when we weren’t being barraged by media, the delivery systems came in at that critical point in my life where it all integrated seamlessly into my existence.  The appetizers of the late 1980’s have become, with the acceleration of the technology behind media delivery, a full buffet that surrounds your table and the selections change by the second.

So where I find myself now is adding to that buffet.  The blog and the gallery are acting as my voices in this media saturated world.  I don’t really know how loud my voice is as I don’t receive any comments on my entries, even when I ask questions to try to get a discussion going (although I know there are people who read this blog).  I also don’t track unique visitors to the sites.

So here I sit, with my blog and my online gallery, and I wonder about my standing.  I suppose I could start projecting myself more, in order to gauge the reaction to my own offerings, and quite possibly increase my own standing in this media-saturated world.  Of course, there is the fear of the unknown that holds me back a little on that, but that’s another story entirely.

Back to the original thought in this entry, even now I still don’t remember the first image I saw this morning after waking up and I have had 24 hours to think about it.  That itself is a testament to the speed and ferocity at which we are fed media.  The good news is that the pace at which the delivery systems are changing seems to have slowed, so we can all do a collective breath-catching exercise.  Every once in a while, though, something does catch me off guard.

This was one of the few places were I wasn’t getting hit with “hot media,” well, up until this encounter with the gas pump.  With this I will leave the entry and address the question of the affect this media saturation has on me, in ways I do and do not perceive.

It’s all around in everyday life.  A little pressure is applied here and there and next thing that one realizes is that the choices that one thought he or she made were not really choices at all.  Of course, the choice to not follow through exists, but pressure to conform will eventually force one back into the fold.  The inevitability of return is almost assured, and if coming back into the fold isn’t an option…  well, there are ways to deal with that as well.

The subtle and gentle pressures are applied from birth to death.  Vaccinations, school, college or military, work, retirement, death and disposal, these are all common pressures that run through lives in general.  Along the way are the details, the permutations of which are too numerous to ponder.  In many cases, these are couched as “requirements” in order to advance in a given pursuit.

Legend has it that young and hopeful photographers had to visit Alfred Stieglitz to get his stamp of approval in order to have any success in the world of photography.  After Stieglitz died in 1946, the legend goes that Georgia O’Keefe became the ultimate gatekeeper to the world of photography.  The level of talent of the artist was not the point, it was impressing these gatekeepers that mattered.  If they weren’t impressed, well, then the best thing one could do in order to avoid swimming upstream was to go home and find a new pursuit.

Stieglitz and O’Keefe are no longer the gatekeepers to success in art, but this does not mean that success is any more assured.  Now one must fulfill any number of requirements and play any number of games in order to get a toe in the door.

Subtle and gentle pressure.  The artist must go to school.  The student must pass the judgment of those who “teach” him or her.  The student must then stand out in competition but meet criteria set by the judges.  The student must then “learn” from these judges in order to earn that piece of paper that says they have passed judgment.  But then one is told they must earn another piece of paper that says they have gone through an ultimate judgment, which will propel them to the ranks of those judges.

Never mind the talent level of the artist (or lack thereof).  Discipline must be maintained and everyone should be moving toward the same end.

The game must be played.  All along the way, pressure is applied in order to keep the person on the path set by those who now oversee that very path, and by whom the criteria for passage is set.  The person is told they must take that path.  Failure to do so will result in the person not achieving success in the pursuit of their goals.

The pressure is gentle.  It’s almost imperceptible.  The pressure is great and is there.  Eventually, there is nothing but the path as one moves headlong and fast toward the destination.  As the pressure increases and constricts, the choice to continue down the path is still present.  But one thing remains…

Either way, the event horizon will be crossed.

The Panopticon continues its machinations.

In 2006 I started a website called elemental-metal.com.  It was an online metal music magazine that I pretty much ran myself.  My earliest photography was of concerts to which I was getting photo passes.  I wasn’t very good with my camera at that point, but it reawakened the artist in me.  I had to stop in 2009 as the website was becoming too difficult to manage and I wasn’t making any money from it.

Since then, as you may or may not know, I have been studying art – first at Lonestar College and now at the University of Houston, which has really shifted my focus.  Concert photography just kinda fell by the wayside as I focused on developing my artistic vision (and photographing professional and college sporting events).

A couple of weeks ago I got to see a really cool local band (Dead Trip is the name) and took my DSLR into the club with me.  It felt so awesome to be just going back to my original motivation.  The fact that the band knows how to bring it (and had the biggest crowd all night) was icing on the cake.  It really makes me want to do this more often, except this time under not so much pressure.  You can see my favorite below.  You gotta love a woman who can do death metal vocals better than most male death metal vocalists.

Meet Janis Walker of the band Dead Trip.  I hope soon I can have more concert pics in my catalog soon as my skills with the camera continue to grow.

You can check out some of my early shots with my DSLR by clicking here.