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So much for those plans for an entry on Roy de Carava. As I started looking at things, I realized I didn’t really know how to say what I wanted to say on the subject of him and my own work. So, I’m changing my tactic a little bit. I think this will be a multi-part essay regarding my work and then bringing in how I’m being influenced by Roy de Carava and other artists.

A long time ago in my own galaxy in my own city not so far away…

If it hasn’t become plainly obvious to any of my regular readers, I’m a fan of heavy metal music. I remember my preteen years of listening to the radio, especially the Top 40 countdowns every Sunday evening. I liked the songs that were played, but always found myself more drawn to the rock and hard rock selections on the airwaves, e.g. “We’re Not Gonna Take it” by Twisted Sister and “Round and Round” by Ratt. I was 13 when I got my first true heavy metal album, Motley Crue’s “Shout at the Devil.” The rest, to borrow a cliché, is history.

So we fast forward a few years (ok, at least a decade, but that’s all I’m revealing) and I’m getting into photography. I wanted to learn to how to use a DSLR camera to take better concert photos for a website I was trying to build at the time. The effect was twofold – I learned how to use my camera and it reawakened the artist lying dormant within me. I took photos of big touring acts when I could get a pass, but there wasn’t really any direction with them. I was looking for that one image that could go on the website with an article, and that was about it. When I started my run at Coog Radio, the college radio station at the University of Houston (UH), I started scratching the surface of the local heavy metal scene in Houston. What I found was a scene that was vibrant and relatively untapped. Again, I took images when I felt like it (sometimes you just have to leave the camera at home and be a fan), but again, there was no real direction with my activities.

Given my love of heavy metal and art, it was a no-brainer to merge the 2. Instead of designing logos or album covers, I wanted to use my particular skills to bring a new visual perspective to the scene, with my primary focus on Houston. With a click of the mouse, The Houston Metal Project was born in the Spring of 2014. Now what was I going to do with it?

The project was initially started as a depository for the images I created at local shows, with the focus being on local artists. I also photograph national touring acts when I can (it’s not very easy to get photo passes to venues they play) as they add to the scene when they play in Houston. The bulk of the collection, however, is made up of images of local talent, with some of them on their way to becoming national acts.

Jonathan Bayliss of Desecrate The Faith (2014)

Jesse Brisendine of Behelit (2014)

Zakk Wylde of Black Label Society on the Revolver Golden Gods Tour (2014)

The 3 images above are part of the early months of my activities. These images to me represented the first steps I was taking as they seemed to capture the intensity of the live heavy metal performance, even if the focus isn’t as great as it could be. I definitely noticed a style developing.

Depravis Nocturna of Spectral Manifest (2014)

It was this image of Depravis Nocturna that crystallized the style I was going to work to develop. I wanted to stay in black and white and fill the frame as much as possible. I would use the venue lighting when possible, but I wasn’t going to rule out using my external flash if necessary. I couldn’t let all that time spent learning to effectively bounce light to go to waste, could I?

King Diamond (2014)

Nergal of Behemoth (2015)

Stage detail of Testament (2015)

Lit stage at Testament (2015)

The images above represent a little bit of a departure from my developed style – King Diamond was actually posing for his portrait on stage. I also dabbled a little bit in storytelling and stage detail. It usually happens more with national acts than local acts. I’m sure the show budget has a lot to with that.

Helmuth Lehner of Belphegor (2016)

John Hull of Desecrate The Faith (2016)

Alice Lima Lovchik of Insolvent (2016)

The images above are part of an experiment in color photography. I decided after this phase I was going to concentrate solely on black and white for this project. I will discuss that in my next entry as it pertains to what I’ve been thinking about as I wind my way through this endeavor. It’s not that I’m unhappy with these. I wouldn’t put them out if I were. They just don’t fit my vision. As an aside – Ms. Lovchik is a graduate of the University of Houston Law School. Last I heard, she was studying for her bar exam. Best of luck to you, Alice!

Casey Howard of Suicide Pandemic (2017)

It’s 3 years into this project. I have over 1000 images published (I haven’t counted) on the Facebook page for this project, whittled down from the tens of thousands taken over the past 3 years. I have an endgame in mind for what I’m doing, but I’m not quite ready to take that step just yet. I am, however, going to be taking a very critical look at what I have made so far, and charting a future based on that.

I promise my next entry will be sooner than later. I knew there was going to come a time when I needed to start taking trips down the intellectual rabbit hole and charting out a more concrete direction for this project. As for now, you can comment as you like below.

The published images can be seen on the project’s Facebook page. Just click here.

(Un)fortunately, I lost (as in the relationship was destroyed) a family member last week over a disagreement over some words that were uttered by this person. I felt the need to point out something I felt was wrong with the statement made. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but what’s done is done. The result was for me to be called brain dead and told to fuck off. After being told to do so, I made a comment about epistemic closure (a bit of a misapplication of the term, but I felt it was apt in this case) and the “friendship” on Facebook was terminated by the family member. I was attacked later that day by the same family member over something unrelated. After a bit of a back and forth, it was done and I went on with my life. It was a couple of days later I was showed a comment made on the original thread where I was called brain dead and told to fuck off a 2nd time. Only this comment was made immediately before the Facebook relationship was terminated and the privacy controls were set to prevent me from seeing it. To say I was angry is an understatement as I felt what was done was something that is usually relegated to the elementary school playground in terms of maturity level, not to mention cowardly. I had the opportunity to respond directly, but I chose not to do so. Instead I made a snarky comment on my own Facebook page using language ambiguous enough so only those who knew what happened would get the reference.

I’m not really sure how I feel about it at this point. I mean, I looked up to this family member and never had a bad thought about him. Unfortunately, something happened a couple years ago that caused the relationship to begin to sour. Over the past few years a transformation has taken place to the point where he is no longer the person I admired as a young adult. I realize that people change and I’m not so naive as to believe that changes in my own life have affected my outlook on people, events, etc. On the one hand I’m hurt that our relationship has gone bad. But then again, do I really need this source of stress in my life?

The Fall 2014 semester started out with me and one of my professors having an adversarial relationship. I’m not sure why, but there was definitely a tension between us that lasted a good portion of the semester. It started to dissipate late in the semester as we both seemed to back off each other. It was unspoken and just sort of happened. The anger I felt was powerful (and I want to thank my friend Claire for putting up with me through it), and letting it go allowed me to breathe again.

In terms of the adversarial relationship with the professor, I wondered out loud on many occasions if art school actively tried to cultivate adversarial relationships as some sort of twisted method of fueling inspiration. The theory has legs, but those details would need to come in another entry in about 20 years.

I was having a conversation with my friend Shannon Duncan outside her studio space this past weekend and she mentioned something about strong personalities. That particular phrase seemed to crystallize things for me. Strong personalities tend to create adversarial relationships, even when views and goals are somewhat aligned. It reminded me that my own hardheaded nature can sometimes be detrimental. I already knew this, but sometimes a reminder is necessary.

Facebook tends to amplify those strong personalities because it’s much easier to snipe at people from the relative safety of a keyboard (especially when one is 1200 miles away). Face-to-face confrontations tend to be a lot less dramatic and people are more easily swayed into accepting compromise when their counterpart is right there. I’m not saying I’m immune; my opening paragraph is my testimony that I’m not immune to that phenomenon.

As I was laying in bed the other night, for some reason a particular moment from 1991 came into my mind’s eye. I was on the confidence course at Lackland AFB enduring my basic military training. I was on the very last challenge – monkey bars over a pond. I failed the previous challenge (after successful completion of the 13 that lead up to that point), where I was to catch a rope and swing across a pond (I missed catching the rope). I was very wet and very tired. Monkey bars were never my strong suit on the playground growing up, and this was a long set. The bars were also wet from previous airmen who had failed the rope swing. I got just under halfway done negotiating this obstacle. I was having trouble gripping and my forearms were burning. I knew I would pass the confidence course portion of basic training even if I failed this challenge. In one instant I just said “fuck it,” let go of the bars, and dropped into the pond.

I had given up when I had a chance to really and push myself beyond anything else I had been capable of prior to that moment.

I don’t know why that moment flashed in my mind when it did. All I know is the phenomenon are related somehow. My job at this point is to figure out why.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking this journey with me into my own mind. A lot of art is about thinking, and I’ve been doing a lot of that over the past 2 weeks. An exploration may be in order soon. To that end, I will leave you with 2 images – 1 made by me and the other made by the aforementioned Claire. We all made a book a few days ago in one of my classes. I called mine “Something Had to Change/Undeniable Dilemma/Boredom’s Not a Burden/Anyone Should Bear.” This entry is definitely different from any other… I wonder if that day was prophetic?

Claire Gage

Shannon Duncan

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The Houston Metal Project

Generalized Thought Patterns